No More Shame
Hello Lovely,
The truth about your insecurities is that they are simply the places that are available for expansion within.
The shaming that usually comes with the word “insecure” encourages us to shrink, diminish, and doubt ourselves, which is clearly a fear response.
Healing and growth is entirely the opposite—it is about expansion.
Expansion within the insecurities is only possible when we fully embrace and own our insecurities.
This is radical self acceptance. (Step #1 for healing).
Radical self acceptance is allowing yourself to be where you are. You recognize that you are moving in a direction towards no longer feeling insecure, but you are honest with yourself (and others) that you are not there yet. AND THAT IS OK.
Allow yourself to see your insecurities as the places where your needs have not been met in the past, and you are currently carrying that past around with you.
No one can change the past, so shaming yourself or someone else for their current insecurities is completely ineffective and counterproductive. (Can we please stop with the shaming, already?!)
Instead, give yourself permission to go within yourself and identify the NEED.
Why am I feeling insecure?
If I allow my feelings to be heard/seen, am I afraid that I will be abandoned, shamed, or ignored?
(Allow yourself to notice that in past, toxic relationships this WOULD have been the response, and THAT is why you are currently having all this internal chaos and uncertainty.)
Am I afraid to be labeled as “needy, clingy, or insecure”?
What do I need to feel emotionally safe, stable, secure, and supported?
How can I validate (own) this need and invite the other person into a closer connection with me? (Communication is key).
Please note that these kinds of perspectives and questions are only effective when you are in a growth-centered relationship/connection where you and the other person are striving to create a conscious relationship.
A toxic relationship will only cause further trauma and damage to you because the other person does not have the capacity to accept your invitation into expansion, healing, and harmony.
A healthy relationship dynamic means BOTH partners acknowledge that neither one is perfectly healed, and that it is the common goal to reassure the other during this healing process.
It is each partner’s responsibility to own their insecurities, vocalize the need, and invite the other in for reassurance and healing.
This is the goal.
NOT shaming.
The truth about your insecurities is that when you start seeing them as opportunities for growth and deeper intimacy, you can then access peace and healing.
Lovingly,
Suze
